Blog Pondering

I've been very lax with my blogging lately. I have had some genuine reasons; being in hospital for a week threw almost all parts of my life out of balance. Even small insignificant things like having to throw away lots of food that didn't get eaten because I wasn't there to cook and Dave was at the hospital with me until late in the evenings so wasn't eating properly, washing backed up, crafting came to a grinding halt while I was there and my blog was the furthest thing from my mind.

Over the last two years I have gotten sicker and sicker and I feel like things are slipping through my fingers. The once meticulously organised me has slowly descended into chaos.

 I hate it.

I feel like I have so little control over my life at the minute. Tomorrow I may wake up and feel only slightly nauseous and be able to have breakfast or I might spend the majority of my morning dry heaving in the bathroom. I might be in minimal pain meaning that my painkillers will do their job, or I may be in crippling agony that no amount of pills will touch.

No matter how I feel I will try to push past it and go to work for the few hours I can manage; I've had the comments from my colleagues, about how lucky I am to finish early every day, to not have to come in before midday. 

It makes me feel like screaming.

I would gladly let them take my place. No. I don't mean that, I wouldn't wish this existence on anyone. That's what it feels like, not a life just existing. I'm now getting to the point where I'm starting to have to seriously consider the fact that I may not get better. Ever. If that's the case then something has to change because I can't carry on like this. 

Which brings me back to my blog (its been a bit long winded). I have to seriously think about whether I want to continue, my blog deserves a lot more care and attention than I've been giving it. I'm not under any illusions that there are loads of people out there who will be reading it, but its still a thing, a project I've been working on, and it deserves the same attention as any project. 

I've given it a lot of thought, and I'm not willing to give up on this just yet. The craft blogging community is large and so welcoming. It's something that I am proud to be part of it. I have met some wonderful people, and I have enjoyed sharing my crafting. So I vow to me much more organised; it may not kick in until the new year but I promise I will.

I'm also hoping to be much more organised with the rest of my life...I'll keep you posted on that one

Have a wonderful weekend xx